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In this month of love, or any day we choose to explore love, I find myself reflecting on an important truth: the spiritual responsibility that love asks of us.
I once believed love would make me feel whole. That it would wipe away all of my emotional pain. I thought that if someone loved me the right way, I would finally stop working so hard. I would release all my doubts, relax, and feel worthy and enough. But that’s not what happened.
Instead, love would draw near, and I would feel nervous.
I found myself overthinking:
- Am I doing too much?
- Am I doing too little?
- Am I worthy?
- Am I enough?
- Will they stay?
- Will they still love me if I express my real needs and desires?
In those moments, rather than slowing down or checking in with myself, I often went quiet and told myself, “I’m okay,” even when I wasn’t.
I was placing on love a responsibility for the work I hadn’t yet done on myself.
Even without being in therapy at the time, I was seeking safety in my friendships, family relationships, and intimate connections. I wanted to feel chosen, to never be disappointed, and to never be let down. That is a heavy burden to place on love. I know that now.
Now, when those feelings come up, I pause, breathe, and become curious instead of critical. I ask:
- What do I need right now?
- What do I truly desire in this relationship?
- Who am I in this moment?
I focus on what is genuine, rather than what will keep the peace or maintain closeness. Sometimes, I write my thoughts down to clear my mind, to make space, I call it. Other times, I sit in silence or with my sound bowls. Occasionally, I take a deep breath and remind myself:
- I am safe.
- I can tell the truth.
- There is safety in honesty.
Instead of thinking love was this thing to fix me... I’m learning that love transforms when you stop leaving yourself behind. It flourishes when you prioritize yourself, know what you want, express your needs, and trust yourself enough to be honest. What is meant for you will not pass you by, and those who truly love you will want to know you more deeply and be willing to do their own work.
So perhaps this month of love is not just about roses, plans, or being chosen. It’s about staying connected to yourself, understanding how you want to be loved, making room for that love, and taking spiritual responsibility for your feelings, reactions, and expectations of others.
And if you’re on this journey, too, you deserve deep love.
Did you ever think love would fix all of you? How so?
